My Biggest Fear

My biggest fear is that one day I’ll forget.

That this echo chamber of my memory will absorb the sound of your laughter just long enough that I hear it fade away.

That the synapses in my brain playing broken telephone, will attempt to describe your gentle, rugged face,

But their muddled up words and misfired signals will fail to truly capture your image.

That the eyes that bore into mine from the very first time I opened them, 

Will slowly get pushed further back into the kitchen cupboard,

Getting lost behind that 5th bottle of ketchup and ridiculous amounts of kraft mac and cheese - 

And before I can stop it, my life is filled with other things I need to remember.

I’m afraid that I am human, and therefore am limited. 

That I have no choice in how well I’ll think of you. 

I fear that it’s inevitable, and the day is coming when my eyes will desperately dart back and forth

In search of the sound of your voice calling my name, 

And that it’ll sound just as sweet in someone else’s mouth. 

Your throne begins to rust, vinyl records littered with scratches. 

How could this giant, this flesh and blood and soul be reduced to my fickle, undependable memory? 

You get smaller as I grow older.

I am afraid that my heart is already starting to heal, 

Because the only thing more painful than losing you, 

Is the thought that it won’t be as painful anymore. 

I’m afraid of finding a love that’s outside of yours, 

Finding joy despite your absence. 

How dare this life be wonderful, threaten me with hope? 

I don’t know if I’m brave enough, strong enough to be okay.

My biggest fear is that one day I won’t be afraid at all. 

Because I am human, and therefore am limited, and even fear can’t last always. 

Yes, unfortunately, even this dark tunnel will eventually have a light at the end of it.

I’m afraid I’ll be happy, that I’ll be peaceful.

Most frighteningly of all, I’m afraid that one day,

I’ll find this poem again and truly see

That in the end, we all just forget.