Contrary to popular belief, the sun shines brightest in grief.

A hot cup of tea or a stroll with a friend,

Once a simple pastime, now my tabernacle - 

a biblical reminder that God might still remember my name. 

How priceless, how indecipherably wonderful

How brave and selfless are those who travel through the winding cracks in our armor,

Unrelenting, to find us at the bottom of ourselves.

With no demands, no fear

No. Here, the sun shines brightest.

Forgiveness runs free in grief.

Few things are more humbling, 

Than watching the ground beneath you eagerly grab and claw at the one you loved. 

So sudden, so easy, without a fight.

Few things exist to remind us

That we all really are just human, and you really did try.

And now that I am dancing alone, 

Stomping to the disharmonious music of my anger, my bitterness, and unresolved battles,

I’m embarrassingly aware

That they too, one day, will rot 6 feet deep in this earth.

So what else is left then, but to forgive?

Through grief, I have touched the hem of heaven’s cloak.

How much clearer God seems, how much closer He feels, now that He’s sitting by you.

I wonder: Do you hear me pray? 

Exchange notes with the Creator?

Now that you aren’t limited to this earth and this flesh,

Can you love me the way you always wanted?

Does He tell you my secrets, show you the parts of myself I never got to be?

Beyond my brokenness, to whom I truly wanted you to see?

Have you found your grandchildren? 

Do they dance on your feet like I did?

I will choose grief.

Excavate the gaping hole - the canyon you left behind in the landscape of my life -

Study the formation of every crack, document each broken piece. 

What a blessing that I get to learn anew all the ways you loved me, 

Ways I would have never fully understood, nor seen, nor cherished, 

Had it not been ripped away.

Your love for me gains strength in your absence,

Becomes its final form in your departure,

Finds its resting place in my grief.

So I will wait here, lying still on the bed you made.

Fully breathing in the lingering perfume of the life you left behind.

Yes, joy may come in the morning,

But the sun shines brightest in grief.